One of the things I love about scrapbooking is that I find it to be very therapeutic sometimes. It helps me relax when I am feeling stressed, has helped me to connect with some wonderful women who I know call friends and have been so wonderful and supportive to me over the years, it even helps me communicate better - sometimes I can write what I want to say so much better than just speaking it. This time however I have used it a bit to heal. I was inspired by a friend and fellow scrapbooker over at The House of Paper when she posted a LO regarding a painful part of her past. Just the other day I heard a song on the radio which brought back some painful memories of my own past and while I would not normally scrapbook something like that I decided to take a cue from her and just went for it.
I made this LO and will put it in my This is ME journal. I hope to keep it out of my children's eyes until they are older and can ask questions and have a better understanding if they want to know more. I hope that it will prevent my daughter from possibly falling into a similar situation as it seems these kinds of relationships are more and more common these days -- and I hope to prevent my son from being a person like that.
I have been wondering if I should really post this on my blog but again, if my friend who inspired me can do it, then I guess I can too.
The hidden journaling reads:
I heard this song for the first time the other day and the words really struck something inside me. I was suddenly flooded with memories of a time in my life that I have tried to forget. I wished I had heard a song like this 15 years ago. Perhaps it would have helped me to say “enough” sooner. Even now, all these years later, it is hard to put into words all that I am thinking and feeling. When I look back, I can hardly believe that was my life. Even now, there is a sense of shame that I feel when I think about it. I was once involved in an abusive relationship – both emotional and physical. It wasn’t like that at first but then gradually it just became that way. Why didn’t I leave at the first sign of trouble? Denial, maybe? Low self-esteem? I suffered abuse as a child by a care giver – maybe I just figured this was the way my life was supposed to be? I really do not have a good answer to that question and maybe that is why I don’t share that part of my life with very many people. Even those who are aware don’t really know the extent of things. After years of feeling so ashamed and trying to cover up the bruises and make excuses, I finally had the courage to say “enough”. I was able to finally see that my life could be better than this and I finally started listening to my friends who were trying to help me. I was lucky enough to meet someone who showed me real love and that I was worth so much more than I was giving myself credit for. I was also lucky enough to marry that ‘someone’ years later! It was not easy but I eventually moved on and moved away from that part of my life. There are times that I still feel haunted by things that happened but then I see where I am today and feel a sense of strength at the new life I did indeed find when I finally had enough.
The song lyrics are:
FACE DOWN
Hey, girl, you know you drive me crazy.
One look puts the rhythm in my hand.
Still I'll never understand why you hang around.
I see what's going down.
Cover up with makeup in the mirror.
Tell yourself, it's never gonna happen again.
You cry alone and then he swears he loves you.
A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect.
Every action in this world will bear a consequence.
If you wade around forever, you will surely drown.I
see what's going down.
I see the way you go and say you're right again,
Say you're right again, heed my lecture.
Do you feel like a man when you push her around?
Do you feel better now as she falls to the ground?
Well I'll tell you my friend, one day this world's going to end
as your lies crumble down, a new life she has found.
One day she will tell you that she has had enough
it's coming round again…
Face down in the dirt, she said,
"This doesn't hurt",
she said,"I finally had enough."
