Last night was Stevie’s first middle school soccer game. All week his coach has been praising him as goalie and even told him that he was going to be playing for the most of the game. Needless to say, Stevie was excited. Nervous, yes…but oh so excited.
The entire game goes by and the coach doesn’t put Stevie in until the last play of the game. My son is absolutely crushed and his dad and I are left wondering why. I asked if perhaps Stevie had misheard his coach at practice but my husband said no, that he had even heard the coach telling him he was going to play him for most of the game.
To see my son so crushed after his first middle school soccer game was heartbreaking to say the least. Once we got home and dad and Stevie talked, it would seem coach told Stevie at some point last night that he was not going to play him after all because he was afraid of him getting hurt….um…WHAT?!
Yes, Stevie is smaller than most of the kids on that field but Stevie made the decision to go out for the team knowing this AND the coach made the decision to put him on the team. Steve told him from the start that he was going to really have to prove himself and get the coach to see past Stevie’s size and really see his ability. Coach put him on the team and told him he is one of the top goalies on the team.
Now, I realize that he is in 6th grade playing ON a team and AGAINST teams with 6th, 7th and 8th graders on them and I also realize that a lot of time the 6th graders don’t get a lot of playing time…they learn about being a part of a team and the like. I totally get that and I don’t have a problem with it. I don’t have unrealistic expectations.
HOWEVER, I DO have a problem with a coach who tells my kid all week that he will be playing and then come game time tells him he’s not going to play after all…because he doesn’t want him to get hurt. If that was such a concern then why would he have put him on the team in the first place?! I feel like that coach hurt Stevie more last night than any broken bone ever could. Stevie is doubting himself when he never has before, wanted to back out of the team. This guy is the first one to ever make my son actually feel bad because of his size and I can’t even begin to express how angry that makes me. Stevie is a tremendous soccer player, despite being smaller than most of the kids his age and yes, I know I am his mother so I suppose I am a bit biased but I stand by what I say.
I confess, while Steve was talking with Stevie last night in his room, I was eavesdropping… and I have to say, I was so proud of my husband in that moment. He is such a good father and was really there for Stevie last night -- really saying all the right things. What really stood out to me though was when he told Stevie it was okay to be mad and upset for tonight but when he woke up in the morning, he needed to let it go and move forward. He told him not to let this one game define him or doubt himself. He needed to use the anger and frustration to just get even better and when he does get a chance to step out on the field and play he can show the coach what he was missing out on…AND to use it this weekend when his Spartan Soccer team plays their semi-final game.
I probably should have told my husband last night how great I thought he did in talking to Stevie…but I think part of me was a little jealous. Stevie needs me less and less as he gets older and quite honestly…it sucks. I know in my heart though that Steve was the better one to talk to Stevie last night rather than me because I am just so angry at that coach for crushing my son’s spirit last night…I do not take kindly to things like that…but then, I don’t guess any mother would.
Thanks for letting me vent.
